I was slow to realize I needed to be Saved… it took two miracles.
I was raised Catholic, one of seven children. On the day of my First Communion I felt special and loved; noticed. I asked Jesus, the Son of God, to come into my little heart in Church that morning, it was the happiest day of my life. Then I cried myself to sleep that night, because it was over. But the hope of trusting that God loved me, carried me the next 20 years.
Still I didn’t really believe HE was involved in my life. I believed in God, I just didn’t believe He paid attention to me. He had the whole universe to tend to. I figured He had made me, and that was all the involvement He wanted.
Then when I was expecting our second child, the baby stopped growing. We were offered to end the pregnancy. We declined, and I was put on complete bed rest. I discovered that when I’m still and listen, God actually does interact with me. Lying in bed, scared to death, HE spoke to my heart, “It will be OK.” (We had seen the medical measurements, it wasn’t ok, but I trusted Him.) He would help us raise this special child.
She was delivered with the elevator doors to the Infant ICU held open so they could whisk her away soon as she was born, but that didn’t happen. God decided to show off a bit that day and miraculously gave us a healthy baby girl! The staff was stunned. We were stunned. I learned to believe HIM, not just believe in HIM.
So at this point, I think I’m good. I have asked Him into my heart as a child; I truly believe He wants to be personally involved in my life. I don’t commit any mortal sins, basically I’m a nice person, kind, generous, all that stuff… and still I don’t understand that I need a Savior. I was so appalling to Him. I was full of hidden pride. So arrogant – but in a nice way, so no one could see it.
Then one day at Pine Cove Christian Camp, I overheard two people talking. They said of a family member, “Oh, they think they are Christian”…. I had to stop and figure this out. Maybe I just act Christian. I wasn’t Jewish, Muslim, Buddhist or any other faith – so I’m a Christian right? Only by now, with the Bible Studies I’d been attending I knew it wasn’t something you were born into, I had to make a conscious choice and accept Jesus as my King. I needed to yield my life to Him.
I needed to born again, and let Jesus’s Will be my will. I needed let Him have control of my life. I needed to obey His leading. I needed to be Saved, from myself – and my stubborn heart.
A few weeks after camp, I couldn’t sleep pondering this question and decided to make sure. So, once again lying in bed, I had a conversation with God. I asked Jesus to forgive me for all the ways I had sinned against Him. I was so arrogant in thinking I was “good”, and just by following the rules I would get to heaven on my own. I had finally come to realize I needed to be Saved. The cost of my sin on Him was too great. I was lost, unable to do it myself. So with no fireworks or flashes of Light, lying there I asked Him to forgive me, to direct my life and use it for His good. I finally trusted Him more than myself. I gave Him Control. I believe the God of the Universe heard me, and truly shares His life with me. Incredible, this the second miracle in my life.
Sandy – Dallas – 2001
On that day you will realize that I am in my Father, and you are in Me, and I am in you. Whoever has my commands and obeys them, he is the one who loves Me. He who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I too will love him and show myself to him. John 14:20-21